Those Words shared by A Parent That Saved Us when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader inability to open up between men, who often absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."